Almost 70 , letting go of anxiety over cameras ? Feb 17, 2017 18:36:49 GMT -5
Post by dee on Feb 17, 2017 18:36:49 GMT -5
OK , I have recognised glitches [ disassociation and dee'realisation ] which means that cameras , both film and digital seem to cut through the haze and out of phase 'lostness'.
With the Fiji X-Pro 1 17mm and Pentax K-1S 35mm , I no longer look at camera shelves as if something is missing or ..incomplete ?
Together , they form a slightly overlarge point and shoot with room to play [ X-Pro1 ] and a compact DSLR with bright finder , clear screen , 35mm f2.8 lens and excellent IQ
A while ago , I recycled Dinky Toys via e-bay into film cameras as they became affordable post digital .
However , Dinky Toys have no use , no purpose , although cars were , and are , kinda substitute faces / people as I am constantly confused/dee's orientated by guy/girl/me etc .
This is not a good idea , believe me .
Cameras DO have a purpose - photography - but I am often not doing ' photography ' , so there has been dee's comfort / anxiety about this .
The glitches relate to everything , of example , I have realised that my mind can't take in an entire 'car' , so those 50s toy cars in my hand, gave me a sense of complete 'car '.
Even cameras , small though they are, are distant , I see each detail/snapshot which kinda gets stitched together like a board with polaroids all over it .
Observing , to me , it's as if real people CAN merge the snapshots together to make a continuous film - i have noticed that most filter the details somehow .
I assume that It's a form of mind blindness - input is conventional , but the processing falls down , however , holding a camera FEELING the controls is OK. It's easier to learn by holding than seeing , so I can get quite attached when a camera becomes almost automatic - for taking snapshots of course !
Cameras take up a heck of a lot more space but each still evokes that sense of well being , familiarity , continuity and safety, but I don't use them as pre-paid colour slide film is no longer available - my final film outings being with a fantastic new to me , Kiev 4 . I loved it as much as my Minolta SRTs , which is saying a lot as I don't do change easily !! My favourites are the Contax Kiev hybrids created for me by ex-Asenal techs in Ukraine .
I love the history and continuity of a Contax III camera created in 1937 with a late 1957 Kiev 4 selenium meter and controls [ selenium was magic somehow ] right up to the 1980 .Amazing , awesome .
Taking pictures has ever been an escape , framing and focusing a confusing world , but , for the most part , the final results have been less important than hiding behind the camera , with others allowing me to be apart , not joining in .
I am also stuck around the 60s as my hard drive seems stuck - unable to dee'lete old files and add new . Weird !!
I am hitting 70 now , in a few years , non of this will matter , so I have to let go of the guilt of not being a proper 'photographer' [ or person for that matter ].
Sometimes a photograph just jumps out at me , which is great , but mostly , both my digital cameras linked to times , places , and grand daughters help fragmented memory .
It's odd , the problems that older people experience are generally more of the same for me , which is neat.
Each digital , from my Canon G2 , through the Leica Digilux 3 / M8 to the Sony A290/A35 stage form a moment in time for me , which is priceless as I don't sense continuity - rubbish at history
No more internal anxiety , no more not being good enough - I was brilliant at one element - creating Interiors with visual and explains to clients and colleagues in Interior Design of Hotels and offices . Then confidence would chase away the shadows until ...
My cameras and snap shooting don't keep me sane , but the camera in my bag , the several in the car create a kind of enveloping comfort zone just knowing that one is close to hand . Why ? Maybe lost child me associated slide shows with a kind of magic , and the shiny cameras and lenses with a magic of their own , it's a theory , but I am no longer chasing an answer .